Today, I drew an Ensō. Every line of it, representing every move I made, everyone I left, everyone I loved and secretly changed. It stares at me as a reminder of what I was and what I can become. The light and dark war, the images I saw, the feelings I’ve known, everything it’s in its core. There are some lines more confident than others, there are some that never end, some stop and restart far away; there is continuity and discontinuity, the meaning and its opposite, always reminding me what life is and how nothing is ever totally finished. I could die today, but my words will stay. The energy will remain. I drew an Ensō today and I know it is not perfect. It’s pretty ugly you’ll say and I couldn’t deny it. Life is about vision and yours might be a hundred times different. But if you’re reading this, and wondering, then I have done something and that’s my meaning. Don’t take what I give you and accept it as the true, question everything about me, question yourself and hurt me too, find the truth you were meant to have and never look back. I drew an Ensō today, it took me all day, and it was an amazing escape.
‘I don’t know anything anymore’, she told me an October night, ‘since he left, I’m lost inside my routine, I don’t know how to do basic things like brushing my teeth or eating a meal. I don’t know how to survive so far from his side. I don’t feel right away from his arms. It amazes me how dependent I may be, how broken I truly admit.’
‘ You know girl? ‘, I replied after sipping my transparent wine, ‘ It’s okay to be lost. We all are. But you have everything you can depend of in front of you, and it is not me nor someone different from you. I’d do anything I could for your well being, but your wholeness I could never achieve. No-one can but you. We are our own masters, the writers of our world, we have everything we need inside our beings. There lies the truth. I know, believe me I do, what it is to love someone more than yourself, to think of more than you could imagine, but you can’t be his savior like he can’t be yours. You could help each other, but never be the answer. You think too much, and don’t see the clarity of it. You’re more than you think, you have to find what to accomplish. You’re human knowing how rare that it’s today. So keep loving baby, but do not forget to love yourself first. ‘