Another tequila night

Another tequila night
Girls gone wild,
Alcohol to the core
Of this special shot.
I used to love the game
Flirting with someone else
Finding a new person
Releasing the pressure.
Now I don’t feel anything
And all is boredom,
Thing are good seldom
I don’t find it interesting.
Why look for another woman
When I can’t forget the old one?
Why play for days, months, years
To get fucked up in the end of it?
My addiction is coming back
And I don’t have the energy
To keep it from my misery
As in my mind I hold you tight.
I want it all to just go
Though these lines
Don’t seem to stop
And I’m tired of trying
When there’s just acting.
More tequila is coming
Girls all around puking
A pen slices my hand
Blood filling my insides,
And I begin to write.
I’ll leave you be now
Don’t worry about I,
There’s still some art
Left for me to die.

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Leave it behind

Tonight I will think about nothing
For once I shall empty my head
But if I’m to spend my life rhyming
Will you rhyme for me when I am dead?

Will you sing to the trees I existed,
Tell the rivers they’re wasting their time?
If I stay here a couple more weeks love
Will you tell the whole world I was fine?

If I build up a workload to leave here
Will you make sure it’s read when I go?
If there’s no one to love me while living
Who’s there to let them all know?

Will you write out my name on a banner
And parade it and yell in the streets
That someone on earth once existed
That none of them ever will meet?

If they don’t care please play them my songs love
Perhaps then at least they can hear
That even if scores are not mourning the loss
Perhaps I once had a good hear

So it’s 3 o’clock in the morning
And I still haven’t emptied my mind
And this poem is not quite a masterpiece
But at least I can leave it behind

(‘Idiot Verse’, Keaton Henson)

The grave of love

You were only seventeen
And I took you for a dream,
Said you wanted to find peace
Let’s run to hell
I promise it’d be warm there
I know a soft spot
Where we could talk;
Time can’t enter there
There’s only words and poetry
Sex and the absence of agony
Lifts you into the air
Where no-one cares.
You can danse naked,
Scream your blame out,
Cry like you’ve never cried,
Run away from all this
And begin to believe
That feelings are meant to be
And I’ve felt everything for you
The greatest nights, the biggest lies
The ‘I’ve never felt so alive’
The ‘I’ll never leave’, a big dream.
Now I’m lost between these lines
I don’t know what I wanted to say
Look, truth is, you were my true love
And I used to be always so alone,
And now that you’re gone
I’ve forgot how to be at home
I’ve lost the way into the grave
That I’ve craved so long ago.

Paris

Paris I’ve loved you
But I must leave you.
It really is a lovely city,
I do have to admit it.
I’ve been so drunk
On music or love,
On shrooms or widow,
But never felt the joy
Of your eternal home.
There’s so many girls,
self-confident-skinny girls
That everything seem to know.
Then there are men
By their balls chased,
They only desire women
But get lost in their own game.
Everyone is so scared
Of the one they face,
It makes me cry as I fade
Into the lines of Albert.
Culture is pretty good around here
But no one wants to hear about it.
The bars are fun sometimes
But beer prices are way too high,
And go on and make an attempt
To get into one of those trains.
Oh man, I’ve known so much here,
Poverty, misery, excess and beauty
Happy hours, late walks, moonlight talks
The exotic side of the unfriendly,
Thought of going on a break
Found true love instead.
You could find some romance
But time only gives you a glance,
Beauty in you truly lies
Oh but leave you I must
Before you break my mind,
With all these city lies
Empty and absent eyes.

I drew an Ensō today

Today, I drew an Ensō. Every line of it, representing every move I made, everyone I left, everyone I loved and secretly changed. It stares at me as a reminder of what I was and what I can become. The light and dark war, the images I saw, the feelings I’ve known, everything it’s in its core. There are some lines more confident than others, there are some that never end, some stop and restart far away; there is continuity and discontinuity, the meaning and its opposite, always reminding me what life is and how nothing is ever totally finished. I could die today, but my words will stay. The energy will remain. I drew an Ensō today and I know it is not perfect. It’s pretty ugly you’ll say and I couldn’t deny it. Life is about vision and yours might be a hundred times different. But if you’re reading this, and wondering, then I have done something and that’s my meaning. Don’t take what I give you and accept it as the true, question everything about me, question yourself and hurt me too, find the truth you were meant to have and never look back. I drew an Ensō today, it took me all day, and it was an amazing escape.